December 24, 2023
That’s the last time that I had alcohol. Will I ever have alcohol again?
I’m not sure, but as of right now, I don’t think so.

This journey probably could’ve started way before this date, but there’s no point in dwelling on the could’ve + should’ve. The catalyst of me becoming sober were my health issues (see my previous posts on my Endometriosis journey & recovery). While the last few years were some of the most dark & difficult to deal with, I would consider this a silver lining.

On any given day, my pain scale would be anywhere from 4 – 7. Bad flare up days would be a 9, crying, unable to walk. I’d like to think that I have a relatively high pain tolerance, but even so, doesn’t that sound awful? My health struggles were taking over my life, and I needed to find a way to feel better, even if just slightly, as I waited to go through the healthcare system.

So I looked at my life habits to see what was in my control. If you know me, you would know that I am always looking at ways to grow and improve, I’m always pushing to become the best version of myself (and share with those around me).

My relationship with alcohol was a rocky one, but not unique. Even before I turned legal, our group of friends were always looking for house parties and places to drink. It was just normal. I really started partying hard in my early twenties. What’s the plan for Friday? And Saturday?

While I never truly felt “out of control”, I knew that I wasn’t making good choices. I had a hard time distinguishing from when I had enough, and crossing that line more than I’d like to admit. I have puked in many many different places, and while funny to reminisce about, it always brought up feelings of shame and embarrassment. Even though friends would laugh about it and say it wasn’t a big deal! I didn’t even LIKE the taste of alcohol, so why did I drink it? The answer was, in part because I didn’t get hungover (until my late twenties anyways). But the real answer was so that I could fit in. While the double header weekends petered off as time went by, I would still drink socially of course – I loved a good wine night with girlfriends.

I’ve spent a great deal of time the past 5 years or so, really committing to myself. Looking intrinsically at who I am, who I want to be, who I want to surround myself with. Add on top of that a disease like Endometriosis, it really makes you reflect.

What started out as being sober-curious, it made me realize that I don’t need to drink. It doesn’t make me feel good. It takes away the very little time that I have when I can possibly feel good (aka wasting a day or more being hungover). There are a ton of non-alcoholic options out there, oddbird being one of my favourites!

I’m not drinking because I’m choosing not to drink. That should be enough. I don’t need to drink as a crutch to be around people, I don’t need to drink to have fun. I also don’t need to surround myself with people whose values don’t necessarily align with mine. The days of feeling peer pressure to fit in are long gone, thank God. I have a handful of friends that don’t drink anymore either. So while this journey of being sober isn’t for everyone, I’m so happy I made the choice and continue to make the choice everyday.
Life is short, make yourself proud.

Today marks 500 days sober.

Quit Like A Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol

With Love,
Murs ❤